Ways Women Could Manage Grief During the Holidays

Watching the movie Oh. What. Fun. recently highlighted the immense pressure many women feel during the holiday season to create a "magical" experience. It also served as a stark reminder that many women are silently navigating grief during this time. Whether the loss is recent or decades old, grief is non-linear and often resurfaces during the holidays.

Some women may be experiencing disenfranchised grief—a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, socially approved, or publicly mourned. Examples include the loss of a pet, a miscarriage, or loss of a job.

Below are recommendations for managing grief during the holiday season:

1. Set Boundaries and Learn to Say “No.”

Between holiday parties, Christmas shopping, and family gatherings, the season can feel overwhelming when you are grieving. This is why it is critical to set boundaries. Practice saying "no." You have the right to leave an event early or limit the number of activities you engage in this season. Do not allow guilt or FOMO (fear of missing out) to compromise your well-being. Remember to have self-compassion; what you need this year may be different next year.

2. Express Your Grief and Emotions.

Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions, including sadness, anger, and even happiness, without guilt. It is especially important to express disenfranchised grief. Remember that grief has no deadline and there is no "right way" to grieve. It is also important to remember that it is okay to experience positive feelings like joy and gratitude, even as you grieve.

- Journaling: A great way to process feelings is through journaling. Simply write down whatever comes to mind without judgment or expectation.

- Honoring the Loss: Honor and remember your loved one or the moments you thought you would have this season. This might involve writing a poem about your loss, creating a memory box, or observing a moment of silence before a meal or gathering.

3. Find Support.

Though it can be difficult to ask for help when others appear cheerful, seeking support is essential. Reach out to family, friends, or attend a grief support group. Finding support during this time may also include asking for help with decorations, change traditions, asking for other concrete help or simply asking someone to listen to you tell stories or explore memories. 

If your psychological well-being is compromised, please seek professional help from a therapist who can help you process your feelings. At Lavender Hills Psychotherapy LLC, I work with women on a variety of issues, including grief.

If you are feeling anxious, depressed, or struggling to process your grief, I am here to help. Get in touch to find out how I can support you.